Black Men…

Idris, oh Idris. Ok i don’t know the dude personally or anything but doesn’t he seem like the kind of man you wanna, have children with? wake up next to? have him rub your feet? I know. This may sound like crazy fanatic but let me take it to another level

Sometimes I think about how my relationship with men may be too cliche. it’s the usual story: young-impressionable-female-who-never-had-a-relationship-with-her-father-and-now-she-can’t-get-close-to-men. Tragic. I always thought I would be able to rise above but that’s not always the case. I’ve never really had a boyfriend. But i’ve had a few sexual partners. A few of those people I didn’t really care about but the other i did. I thought i could separate my feelings from the actions, but as all females know, that’s not always the case. I don’t really see myself being in a relationship unless i can be assured i wont get hurt. A man i was seeing last year told me he loved me. And I reciprocated the words for the FIRST time in my life. I thought i loved him, but i think it was just a way to assure myself, that he cared about me. However strange it may sound, I knew the last time we saw each other, that I didn’t really love him but to find a man that could say those words to me, was something i had dreamt about forever.

When i was messing around with guys, knowing damn well i wouldn’t be in a relationship, i never wanted to admit to myself that the reason i couldn’t find such closeness to these guys was because because “closeness” didn’t come in male form. I got love from my female friends, from my mom and sisters, and aunts. But now i know that i need to let go of that resentment, and realize that there will be someone who will love me for me, and I can truly lend my love to a man.

Babysteps…

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3 Comments

  1. wow…u hit d nail…thought i was the only one who goes through the same thing….

  2. umm, I was just passing by and saw this sexie pic of Idris. Yumm. He does look like the ideal guy.
    ” was something i had dreamt about forever”….I know. It won’t feel right unless it’s the guy u want telling u that. I feel ya girl.

    kind

  3. Grow up! All men are not the same.

    How can you judge one man by anothers cover? This is detrimental to your love life. It is natural for a woman to want and love a man and to expect that in return.

    You can set standards and live by them but don’t use them as an excuse for other hidden secrets. Stop today! Accept your place!

    Peace.


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